Such a Loss

A book has found its way to me. Typee by Herman Melville. I have read many by him, so this is a treat finding another, and what is said to be one of his best. One of the first things I do with a book is look at the dates, but none are on this book anywhere. No hint it was written in 1846. I have found several stamps though, it is from Oceanside High School in California. In the back is a card for the library it lived in, in the 1950's. Those first ten years it got a lot of usage. A wonderful sea tale, full of adventure and the exotic and the realities of life, written to perfection. Then comes the early 60's where it shows another 3 years and no more history than that. Hardly read at all during that time, no longer recommended by the teachers I would think, or no students who desires these sort of stories anymore. I wonder why this beautifully bound book, full of color illustrations was sent away. Maybe it is the picture inside the front cover, a beautiful dark girl, in a long clinging skirt with a wreath of flowers not quite covering her naked femininity, smoking an opium pipe while standing in a canoe being admired by the man she is with. "Fayaway and I had a delightful little party on the lake", is what its title is. Not a good influence on such young minds, perhaps those who pick and choose the school books thought. I open the book to glance in, there is one of Melville's favorite words, heathen. I saw that just the other day, the word heathen. In my old Webster dictionary, as the first description for the word ethnic. I never really thought them the same. Its strange how what we read and what it is suppose to mean is so arranged. And then always rearranged by the times and how our society guides us. Perhaps after I am gone and this book no longer has my shelf, it will end up where so many more like it have gone, disappeared and forgotten. How sad, it really is a treasure. And how sad the world, so anxious to go head long into a future that does not value such things.

Fence Around Their Heart

The reason why life is so much better in Mexico is because there is heart. Many will ask, what is heart? An organ? The symbol of love? But most don't know it is a place inside you were you are connected to the goodness of mankind. It keeps life beautiful, warm, friendly and progressive. Having heart. It is what keeps families what they were meant to be and villages running. Heart is something you have to be close to, or you won't know it is there. Here in Mexico, it is what so much of lifes decisions are based on.

One may look at the problem of America as politics and a bad leader and corporation greed. But this describes most countries. Politics is just that fragmented layer on top for the few to use the many out of their need for direction. For the many, life is not politics, it is just every day existence, no matter what the "big guys" up above are making. Here in Mexico we are not our government, we are the people of the land. The land and history, a way of living that has seen the centuries pass and still persists. In America, what the threat is to the world, is loss of heart. A submission to better shape oneself to the needs of your controllers. The mind brainwashed, not enough, they must drain their society of heart, of care, because care for those type always stands in the way.

America is without a heart. A land raped and captured so very recently the wound still bleeds and festers everywhere. And on such a base, its people have become the world leaders in living for oneself only. In Americas search for itself it has narrowed down to its own needs like there is no other. This is government down to the individuals. Somehow, the formula to take the human out of humanness had been extracted and now the latest weapon to enslave mankind. The world beware heartless America, unless it become like it and die from within also.

(this post inspired by one who has no fence around her heart, living in America, proof that one can still hold onto it if they want)

The Last Time

I was just wondering when the last time I had been across the border into America. And then, coincidence as usual, I find this post below, dated February of 2004. It was my last time there. So far, good luck, I don't have to cross again. Hopefully never.



I went to California yesterday, early in the morning. It is not far from here,about seventy five miles. So many worlds away though. Knowing your going to cross the border is something I can't let myself think about until just as you get there. The thought of how long the line is can ruin a beautiful drive if allowed to. And it really was unusually beautiful yesterday, the waves were so big and so many sets rolling in with the morning sun on them. White and foamy and clean. The highway goes along the edge of the ocean the whole way, except the last few miles through the side of Tijuana along the big fence with all the lights. I wonder why they leave the lights on during the day. I have three toll booths to go through, each over two dollars. One of the toll takers gave my dog a piece of burrito. The soldiers had on new spring uniforms. They are so young and look good.

The border line was only twenty minutes,compared to a couple of hours or more frequently. The lanes keep breaking up and everyone has to fight for their place so it is exciting, or sometimes, very annoying. The guard was the type that takes extreme offense when they ask why you are in Mexico, and you answer because you live there. It is better to say I am a tourist and I am so glad to be coming back home and take a good bath. But it was to early for that story. Besides, lying can get you caught up too. So he asked us, my husband and I, for what purposedid we cross the border. He was told because we have to get the smog check done on my mothers car. He asked for proof of this story. I gave him the papers that came in my mothers mail, they were in the envelope they gave us to be mailed in. He looked at it and said something. My husband missed understanding his unknown accent. He loudly repeated, then if your going why is the envelope sealed, and then handed itback. My husband flipped it over and said to him, look it is not sealed. He went into a rage, told us how to respect America and then told us to get out of there fast. That over we went to the nearest Mexican restaurant and had breakfast and cinnamon coffee, just to get back in the right mood.

The smog check went great. Funny sort of people who work at gas stations and stand around looking at car motors. I took the dog for a walk around a couple of blocks. The landscaping on every house was different. It was an old neighborhood so the trees were big. Incredible green lawns, such a variety of grass types. I felt like I could have just kept on walking for hours looking at it all. Excess excess excess.

After that things went bad. I need a huge rice cooker for my dogs. I went into two of those huge stores that when you stand at the entrance it becomes near terrifying, the thought of trying to narrow it down to the one thing you came for. More excess and unnecessaty, baskets totally full, people eating samples, lines a longer wait then the border was. No rice cooker, but I gathered up a few things that I thought might save some money, if I had really needed them. Then my time limit ran out for a situation like that and I had to abandon the cart in the middle of the store and escape, my husband in agreeance. There was even a line getting out of the parking lot. So next I tried a grocery store but did not even get out of the car after seeing the odd looking strikers out front. Exhausted I went next door to a Starbucks. There were homeless looking for change in the phone booth, a girl with a child walking with a please hire me I am hungry sign on her. A small booth set up to fingerprint children to help when they are abducted being run by a girl with orange hair and rings in her tongue and eyebrow and a betty boop tatoo revealed by her very low blouse. At least the coffee was good.

Giving up on all else my husband and I decided to get back across the border. I forgot to mail the envelop for the DMV. That border guard must have jinxed it with his touch. I hate lying to my mother, but I have not confessed it is still in the car, complete now, but still not on the way with the deadline so close. The moment I crossed the border my whole body changed, relaxed, breathed easy. Driving along looking at all the border jumpers all along the fence waiting for their chance I felt so sorry for them and so glad I was back home again.Then the whole drive back and the ocean the whole way. By the time I got back home I was healed again knowing that I don't have to put up with that sort of thing. At least not until my mother has another one of her it has to be done in California errands for me. Think I will go stand out in the rain and almost sunshine right now just to wash this last little bit of memory away as I post this.

Stunned

Strange people. It makes one wonder. Friends, enemies. Causes. Competitions. Its all quite a show. Leave your body behind and come play in cyberspace where you can narrow yourself down to a character you want to be in a mind story. Whatever your need, you can build it. For many it is more important to have an enemy, such a simple thing. The need to dislike what you think you dislike, just find a place to lay it on it. Preferably something familiar, that is the easiest. Like the last person you called friend, or the last place you liked and then didn't. So much pain, so much frustrationn, it needs a place to find a home to run to its ruin, as is the habit.

Grabbing hold of petty differences, false interpretations, twist and turns,convoluting what was, into what it never was. It's a big river, the flow to freedom from the oppressor, the rights of every man. If we are headed the same way, why search the edges to find the differences and get snagged on them. Those who have heart can read the hearts of others and know their truths behind their words, no matter how they are arranged. Such wasted effort, trying to bring down a fellow traveler.

We who claim we want peace and healing, if we cannot get along with each other,despite the fact that we are not all the same, have made ourselves a determent. Getting along, world wide or one on one, starts with getting along. So simple. And if you find a place you feel does not fit your idea of getting along, then go elsewhere. But becoming one of those who want to ruin what others have, it would seem, makes you more like the enemy than not.

Some More on Hate

In response to Littlebitofsonshines comment on my Hate Well message. To me, this is a very important subject.

I feel you are one of those rare gifts to mankind, Sonshine. It is good to be able to know a person like you and I wish many more were like you. All love and giving. But for the average human we have both and fight to deny one, or the other. Love and hate. We are taught that it is our hate that makes us do wrong, but this is not so. As you can see, love has equal crimes. Love or hate can become a disease, just the same. Energy does not kill, only when it is misguided and misused. It is neither love nor hate that makes us do wrong, it is how we handle them. It is a mistake to think that hate must lead to negative actions. It is the person themselves and who they are. I would not feel right not hating evil, it is what it deserves, my strongest emotion of rejection, nonacceptance. Hate, like love, is used by the few to manipulate the masses. If we are followers and use either for destruction, it is our own fault for being ruled.

I have spent my life helping to better others. I have never done an evil thing out of hatred or out of love. I am very proud of who I am and what I do. I hate America and I hate those that accept it and aid it. I do not want to make wars or harm people. I do not fight that way. Hate has made me take a stand against what I cannot approve of and has given me the strength to find a way of life I could love and respect.

I fear it is the loss of our ability to cleanly and clearly hate that has enabled the people of America to live a near guiltless life in the middle of all that harm and killing they do. They know its wrong, but it does not make them that uncomfortable. If they hated what their country has become they would do more than just feebly protest through the decades, they would not be able to live with it either.

I have no love whatsoever for that country, my hate has the chance also of healing what's wrong with America. It should be hated for the evil it has become and let that very hate it has brought on itself take care of it.

Something Positive

Inspired by a little red fish.

I like it so well when it’s the full moon here. Night diving is perfect in the light of a full moon. It filters down through the water and illuminates the shadows. Lobsters don't come out during this time, they prefer darker nights. Its odd how lobsters and eels always hang around together, I suppose they must like the same kind of housing. Ever catch an eel? They practically tie themselves in knots squirming on dry land but cant get anywhere. I've seen them snap there jaws so hard it took a chink out of a steel blade. They're good to eat but a little greasy. Lobster is better but you have to cook them live to taste just right. Of course if they are dead before you get home you can slice them in half and fry them. But you cant freeze a dead lobster, they taste bad. Its odd on a lobster trap how if you wire a hunk of zinc to the bottom all the corrosion gathers on it instead of the trap. Low tides and small waves are best for lobster traps, you can get them in real close to shore. Of course you have to count the waves to do this and time it just right. Lobsters like to eat limets, the little oval shell that sticks to the rocks. Of course they like abalone best, but its to much of a temptation to eat it yourself. It takes about an hour to gather a gallon of limpets. It takes about two gallons of limpets to bait about 20 traps. With crabs its a lot easier. Of course their traps have to be put on a sand bottom. They really like fish guts and heads. When all else fails either lobsters or crabs will eat canned sardines in tomato sauce. All you have to do is poke holes in the cans and wire them in the trap. Cabazones are a great fish. They hang out near the rocks. There meat is blue till you cook it. They have no scales but if they poke you it stings. They make really good eating but not as good as garabaldi, the gold fish of the sea. California's state fish. Seems a shame to eat one almost, they are so beautiful. Cabazones are the ugliest fish I have seen, except for a dog shark. Cook them and they turn to mush, animals won't even eat. But the tastiest fish is manta rays. The wings off of them is better than lobster. Sheephead, half black and half red with their huge buck teeth for eating shells are a good catch because there is a lot of meat but it lacks flavor. And of course the fish from sand bottoms is always a little blander and softer. Like halibut and sea perch. But its nice to fish for them because you can stand in the surf. Then too you have a chance of getting a tiger shark or a skate. But halibut since they live on the bottom and eat trash have those long worms in their meat always. Now if you have a gill net out you can catch all kinds of things. Thresher sharks, sea bass, ling cod, cabrillo and tunas. But tunas are good to catch with a pole from a skiff, it goes fast. The scariest thing to bring up in a small wooden boat is a shark. They're hard to kill in a crowded space. Drop lines work good for rock cods and corvina. Its hard to keep the seals away from this though, unless you clang rocks together under the water, this hurts their ears. A good way to get what you want and take your time is to use a hookah. A line hooked to an air pump on land, but you have to remember to put mineral oil in it so you don't get petroleum in your lungs. Good way to look for abalone too. The red abalone sell the best, mild and soft. The blacks ones which are in closer are tough and chewy with a strong flavor. I like these best. Certain abalone guts are really good to eat too, the ones that have ate the right sea weed. Certain crabs to if when you pull them out of the cooker and turn them on there backs to open them will have a hot soup inside them that goes great with lime and hot sauce. Just like sea urchins, just take them by there purple spines and crack them open on the spot, a little lime juice cooks them and you have an instant snack. The orange color of their insides is such an odd shade. Urchins are worth a lot of money and well worth collecting. The deeper the water the bigger they get. You can store them in cages in the ocean for days and feed them till they are full so you get more money. The Japanese buy them. They fly them there. Japanese also buy the abalones they are raising commercially now too. But my all time favorite is just plain blue shark. I never get tired of it. Besides I like to collect their jaws. Now this talk of fish could just go on forever. I remember seeing a dammed pond from an underground spring out in the middle of high desert and it was brimming full of gold fish big enough to eat. Never figured how those fish got there. The Indians sure liked them. But like I said the subject of fish is never ending.

Hate Well

What is this word called hate and why do so many think it is wrong? It is a force, like love, a full circle. I think that the common man has been taught that he is not suppose to feel hate and if he does he has sinned. And the common man, of course, does not want to sin. So he takes the right to his own powers and forfeits one and becomes the weaker for it. Hate constructively, love constructively, live constructively, and fully. Your owners, the rich and few, do not want you to hate, they tell you to love, even your enemy. As a society we have become afraid of hate, its not polite or acceptable or quite civilized enough for our refined and filtered and confined tastes. We are constantly drummed into our minds, love not hate. But they come together, strong and useable and must be handled with balance and understanding. It is correct to hate evil and it is correct to love good. We do not need to let our hate turn us into killers and liars and destroyers, even as those that use love for that same purpose. We, as a people, need to take back our human right to hate openly and positively that which is wrong, or we cannot stop it with half felt measures. There are many things I hate and that hate has stood me to make many of the right decisions in my direction in life that have been very positive. Hate well.